ADN Summer Escapade 2018

Maine’s special surprise

By: Faye Tolosa  (as published)

Philippine Daily Inquirer / 05:29 AM September 30, 2018

I should have believed Alden Richards when he said Maine Mendoza had “outrageous” ways to surprise people special to her. Well, I believed him, all right. But I never thought I would get to experience it firsthand.

This is a story of how THE Maine Mendoza went out of her way and traveled six hours with no sleep at all to surprise me (and 180 others).

We had set the ADN Summer Escapade on May 12 and 13, at Bakasyunan Resort and Conference Center in Iba, Zambales.

We knew that Alden and Maine both had “Eat Bulaga!” on May 12 and that Alden had to be in GMA’s Sunday noontime show “Sunday Pinasaya” on May 13, so we didn’t expect any confirmation from them, despite the invitations.

A day before the event, Maine’s handler, Michael Uycoco, sent us a message that Maine wouldn’t be able to make it to the event. It was understandable since Maine had a mall show scheduled on May 12.

A few hours later, it was Alden’s team who informed us that he couldn’t make it either.

The participants were never promised of Alden and Maine’s presence anyway, so on May 12, 180 participants from different parts of the country (some even from abroad) went to Iba for the first ever summer event of the fandom.

The first surprise from Maine came that afternoon when she tweeted asking for updates from the participants and even gave our event a new hashtag to trend—#ADNBonggangSummer.

Day 1 was filled with some team-building activities in the afternoon and some sort of retreat after dinner. The rest of the night was spent taking a dip in the pool and laughing to our hearts’ content.

The organizers were relaxed, as most of the program had already been taken up. We only planned an awarding ceremony of the amazing race after breakfast and then a Mass before leaving. The rest of the morning was allotted for free time.

After breakfast and a short awarding on May 13, we felt like it was time for us, the organizers, to chill and bond with the participants after the stress from the previous day.

We gathered at the beach, taking photos with some participants, when one participant said, “Nag-tweet si Maine pero ayaw mag-load ng photo (Maine tweeted, but the photo won’t load).”

One of the organizers went to her room to check the tweet.

When the photo loaded, we were all surprised to see THE Maine Mendoza inside the empty function hall at Bakasyunan, the one we had been using since the day before.

The next thing that happened was kind of comical. Suddenly, we were all on our toes, running to the function hall (which was really far from the shore), not minding the “nagbabagang buhangin” as we called it because the sand was really hot.

Others were even inside the bathroom when they heard that Maine was really there.

Some were snorkeling when Maine arrived. Luckily someone checked Twitter and saw Maine’s tweet. They immediately boarded their boat and asked the boatman to bring them back to the resort.

Almost all of us were dripping and out of breath when we got to the function hall, but our hearts skipped some beats when we saw that Maine was actually there with us.

Maine didn’t only come to be with us. She even hosted a pageant. There were 13 candidates, one from each of the 13 teams that competed in the amazing race on Day 1.

What was most special to most of us that day was that we got to attend Mass with her. Her youngest brother, Dean, even served as one of the readers.

She ate lunch with us after the Mass and then awarded the winners from the pageant.

To cap it off, she gave away gift certificates worth P1,000 to each recipient of the four major awards and P500 worth each for nine winners of “somewhat special awards.”

And just when we thought the fun was over, Alden slid into our inbox while we were on our way back to Manila, but asked for the content not to be disclosed.

I never expected anyone would go to great lengths just to surprise me, let alone someone I am a fan of.

From the bottom of my fangirl heart, thank you so much, Maine and Alden. “Walang iwanan.”

Read more: https://lifestyle.inquirer.net/307955/maines-special-surprise/#ixzz5YmpjXByQ

“Keep calm, I got this.”

All of us, as Christians, have faced storms of various versions. Life is full of trials. Sometimes, it seems like the wind is too strong or the waves seem so high.

Last June, I think I have faced one of the toughest times of my life. I hope I could say my faith never wavered at all, but that would be a lie.

Last June, I had to leave my job at the Philippine Daily Inquirer. In reality, they had to fire me before regularization but they advised me to just resign for a “graceful exit.” It wasn’t really graceful. Not at all. But to keep things simple, I resigned.

I thought the quick acceptance on my part was just me being positive that things are going to get better or in knowing that God has a better plan for me, something better than Inquirer. But later on, I figured out that it wasn’t like that at all.

I have quickly accepted it because deep in my heart I have already believed that I wasn’t good enough to stay there and that I wasn’t worth keeping at all. I spent my birthday with too little to celebrate because I couldn’t find a job. Not that there was a lack of it, but each time I find a job that I want, I felt that I would never be good enough for it.

If you’ve known me for a very long time, you’d know that I was a person of confidence. If there was someone who believed in herself so much so that she could easily convince people to believe in her, too, that was me. Was.

After having to leave PDI, after my birthday, and after my tatay got out of the hospital after his angioplasty, I got chickenpox—on the very day I was supposed to have a job interview. All the confidence and self esteem I had were all gone. And I was so frustrated. With the situation and with myself. How could I not be good enough? How could I not have given what they wanted?

And just when you think things couldn’t get worse, I passed on the pox to both my siblings. It was so frustrating! It wasn’t enough that I wasn’t bringing anything to the table, I had to get the pox and pass it on, causing us more expenses.

The little self-esteem I had left were gone with the wind. I had nothing. Not a little, but nothing. But what I didn’t see was that God was teaching me something during this time.

“You’re blessed when you’re out of options and all you can do is lean on God. Because when you realize your need for God, it is only then that you tap into His immeasurable greatness and goodness. You’re blessed when you’ve been stripped of that which is most precious to you. Because only then can you be tenderly embraced by the One most precious to you.” -When God Writes Your Love Story, Leslie & Eric Ludy

Being at the PDI was “THE DREAM” and I thought it was what’s most precious to me. Day and night I prayed for PDI. I kneeled and prayed and cried out to God how much I wanted to be there. But God reminded me that it is not the be-all and end-all of my life. God taught me that there is more to life than that. 

Instead, God planted a new dream in my heart. He placed a new goal, a new mission.

When the storm calmed, the waves, the wind and the rain stopped, I was amazed. Now I know why I had to go through all of it.

PDI was just one NO. I’m willing to get more NOs for one big YES. When I get that YES, I know that I can say “All those NOs for this one YES.” And then it will all make perfect sense. 

When facing a storm, listen to that still small voice that says “Keep calm, I got this.” That voice is Jesus’. The very same Jesus who calmed the storm. (Matthew, Mark, Luke)

‘Brand New Blossom’

Cover of “Brand New Blossom” showing the Powerpuff Girls, popular cartoon characters from Cartoon Network.

When I was around 7 years old, my mother bought me this book titled “Brand New Blossom.” It’s a pick-a-path book where the readers get to choose the next action of Blossom. You can make Blossom a bad girl, make her choose the “wrong” decisions, make her break the rules and go against her own siblings. But then, no matter which path you choose for her, there is already a predetermined ending–her choices, right or wrong, made her journey, not her destiny. I have read that book multiple times, tried to choose different paths for her each time, but the ending never changed. The ending stayed the same. Some paths made the story longer, but the destination didn’t change.

 

I just realized that our lives are like pick-a-path books. We make decisions, and sometimes we make the wrong ones. We choose a path for ourselves, thinking it will bring us closer to where we are meant to be, not knowing that it’s actually taking us to the longer and harder route. But then again, just like pick-a-path books, our endpoints have already been predetermined for us. So whatever happens, let us enjoy the journey. Make good choices, and then learn from the bad ones. Always remember that one bad choice doesn’t make a bad destiny. A series of bad decisions does not and should not define who you are and who you’re bound to be. Trust the process. I used to believe that you should always begin with the end in mind. I think, somehow, that’s right. But isn’t the beginning too soon to think of the end? Why not enjoy the journey, instead? Sure, you should keep the end in mind, but don’t forget to enjoy the nows.

Forever people vs temporary people

You encounter a lot of people everyday. You bump into a stranger every once in a while and not give a damn. Sometimes you befriend a co-commuter you coincidentally ride the train with almost everyday. Maybe you got close to some vendor you buy candies from. Or maybe you meet someone again for the first time after 20 years and felt like nothing has changed. Or maybe you just meet someone and even though you have close to zero things in common, you just hit it off and became best friends.

Or maybe you have this friend you used to to talk to all day everyday, but you don;t anymore for no particular reason at all. Maybe you have a childhood best friend you never thought you’d lose, but now he’s got you blocked on all of his social media accounts and you still haven’t figured out why.

The thing is, there are lasting relationships and there are some that are meant to be short-lived. I have always believed that there are two types of people that we meet–the FOREVER PEOPLE and the TEMPORARY PEOPLE.

Forever people are people who will stick around whether you like it or not. They’re there and they’re going to be there. These people are the ones you have for the long run. The relationship you have with these people is so strong, it can weather any storm.

The temporary people are those that will just pass by. This doesn’t make them any less important from the forever people. Sometimes, no matter how temporary they are, no matter how brief your encounter is, they tend to leave a permanent mark. Sometimes, temporary people leave you marked, scarred.

I also used to say that we tend to allot permanent spaces for temporary people. And I still believe it. We really do. I still do. I used to believe, too, that we should not. Now, however, I have figured out that there is no way of knowing what they are. You cannot actually classify the people you meet, no matter how deeply you get to know them. It’s not about their “staying capacity.” It’s more about their purpose in your life and your purpose in theirs.

They say when you meet people, it’s either you are meant to change them or they’re meant to change you. No matter who they are and what role they’re playing or going to play in your life, as long as they are in your life, make them feel how important they are and treasure every moment you spend with them.

If they’re bound to stay, thank them for staying. If they’re meant to leave, simply thank them for stopping by.

IWAS SAWI

Hey there, single ladies (and guys)!

I have heard so many brokenhearted girls complaining about how they’ve been led on by some guy and how they felt like they’ve been betrayed, lied to or cheated on (Pinaasa nya lang ako! Akala ko lang meron, pero wala! WALA! WALA!). You see, I used to think that way, too.

Photo from Poems Porn on Twitter

But let’s stop and think. As a person, can we actually control how other people will treat us? Sure, we can teach people how to treat us by what we allow, stop and reinforce (according to a post I once read on Twitter), but we don’t have 100-percent control over it. So if a guy treats us nicely, we have a say if we’re going to be led on or not. Here are a few things to keep in mind (from a relationship nonexpert–aka me):

1.  He’s just being nice.

We have been made to believe that chivalry is dead. We seldom meet real gentlemen, so when we encounter one, we start feeling that he is being “extra nice” to us. He opens the door for you, asks if you’ve eaten (kUm4En na Ü?) (breakfast, lunch, dinner, hanggang midnight snack!), checks on you if you got home safely (text me when you get home, ingat pag-uwi, wag papagabi), texts you randomly (e0wh pfH03wzx, uZtaH na Ü? Pede makipag tXtm8? *insert 10,000 emojis*), and the list goes on. Ladies, that is not being extra nice. That is not yet going the extra mile. Please, stop getting your hopes up and raise the bar a little higher. Don’t make it seem too easy.

You’ve waited long enough to settle for just that. To the “nice guys’” defense, maybe he’s just been raised well enough to treat ALL (emphasis on the word ALL) (ALL being the keyword) (again, ALL, para iwas hopia, okay!!) his girl friends with kindness. He never meant to lead you on. He only knew how to treat women properly. To all the nice guys, say it with me “CHIVALRY’S NOT DEAD.” Now please show us.

2. SPECIAL is a very relative word.

Here’s a SPECIAL SIOPAO from Chowking. (Binola-bola ka lang, Asadong asado ka naman.)

You might be thinking you’re special because at this very moment (ctto Maine Mendoza), he’s the only person treating you that way. No one has ever made you feel this “special” and you’re enjoying the attention you’re getting. But you’ll never really know if that is also how he treats every other girl he meets. If so, how does that make you special? This leads us back to “He’s just being nice.” If he’s that nice to everyone, it’s not special at all. The word special is defined as better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual. It sure is different from what is usual for you, but is it for him? And would it really be considered a fault if he treats everyone that way? As long as these guys didn’t express their intentions clearly, never assume that they are leading you on. It is your choice if you will be led on.

You might say I’m a nonexpert (clearly, I’m not an expert. I don’t have a degree in relationships or heart-keeping to be telling you all these) and you might even be rolling your eyes at me right now (Nagmamagaling ka ate, akala mo ganong kadali ‘yang sinasabi mo? Akala mo kung sinong hindi umasa! Never ka’ng na-hopia ‘teh?). And to tell you honestly, I have gotten my hopes up too many times (carelessly) and had my heart broken time and again (sabi ni Gara sa pelikulang Imagine You & Me, “hindi lang naman sa love life nabo-broken hearted ang tao”) for different reasons. And I know it’s not as easy as it sounds, which leads me to the third point.

3. GUARD YOUR HEART.

Photo from YouVersion Bible App by artist Roger Coles. I do not own the image.

This is our very goal. You might be single for a very long time now or you might have just gotten out of a relationship, but the best thing to do is to guard your heart.

Some people have told me that always being on guard builds walls around us that other people might find hard to break. Ladies (and gentlemen, because this goes for everyone), guard your heart at all times, but try not to build walls. Don’t close yourself off. Don’t push men (people) away. Don’t avoid having guy friends. Guy friends are awesome! They are sweet and caring. You need their brotherly love in your life, I’m telling you (shoutout to my awesome guy friends!!!).

We have to stop the assumption that all men are looking for girlfriends, flings, prospects or what-have-you. Again, we cannot (and should not, really) control them. But we can manage our expectations.

Guarding your heart doesn’t mean you’re not going to let people in or that you’re always going to doubt every intention of all the people getting close to you. No. That is going to be stressful (nakakapagod ang doubt, nakakapangit din, gusto mo ‘yon?). Guarding your heart means maintaining good communication with the people you are close with. And a good communication means you are BOTH open and all your motives are clear. Guarding your heart means not assuming anything unless clearly stated. Guarding your heart means entrusting all your relationships (oo, lahat. LAHAT NGA)–family, friendships, ALL your relationships–to God.

Photo from YouVersion Bible App by (nonartist) me. I (think I) own the photo.

Ladies, we’re daughters of the King of kings. We’re princesses and we’re all supposed to be treated with respect. Yes, we’re “strong, independent women,” but we’re also designed in such a way that complements men. In Genesis 2:18, God said “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper as his complement.” “Complement” is defined as a thing that completes or brings to perfection. We aren’t perfect beings, but we were made to “complete men and bring them to perfection.”

We’re daughters of the King, just as men are sons of God. They are princes and they should be accorded that same respect that we deserve. If we don’t want to be led on, we should also be mindful to treat them in such a way that will not lead them to thinking that there is a possibility for a romantic relationship when friendship is all we really have to offer.

Let us be stewards of our hearts. Let us learn to care for each other and guard each other’s hearts.

May all the bonds we form here on earth bring glory and honor to our Father in heaven. May all our relationships bring a smile to God’s face.

Let us avoid blurring the lines and spare each other the heartbreak, para iwas sawi.

Of sunsets, moonrises and rice terraces

Sometimes I like putting myself to the test and pushing myself to my limit. 

I’m not always a brave person. I may be adventurous, but I also get scared sometimes. But one thing I know for sure about myself is that once I put my heart and mind to something, I’m certainly going to make it.

When I said I wanted to go with the team to Kalinga, I have had my heart set that I will survive that trek. People who have been there already warned me that it wasn’t easy for them and they’re worried because they know I have asthma. But I didn’t want asthma to stop me. I needed to do it. I wanted to make it. I was that determined.

I wish determination helps make things easy, though. Hahahaha. It doesn’t. I wish I could say trekking was easy. I wish I could proudly say I never thought of quitting.

But it was so hard. I was so close to quitting. The tour guide kept saying “malapit na, Mam. Konti na lang.” And I was close to answering “malapit na kuya. Konti na lang din. Malapit na ko manapak.”

But when I was that close to quitting, I looked back and saw how far I was already from where we began. I thought to myself, “you can’t quit! Look how far you’ve gone. You can’t turn back now. No turning back.”

I didn’t know then that we were also that close to the finish line. Every step, I kept reciting Philippians 4:13. Until we reached a resting place. We sat for a few minutes and when our breathing evened, we were led inside the village.

About two houses from the village gate sat a smiling old Whang Od. Her smile was warm and bright. It was friendly and welcoming. She was done for the day I guess. It was almost sunset anyway.

We went further into the village and settled in a homestay. Outside our house, we were greeted with a breathtaking view. I have no words to describe it so just look at the accompanying photo. We were served with hot Kalinga coffee and God was it so good. And then came the moonrise.

It was easily one of the most amazing scenes I have seen. Like the setting sun set a spotlight for the moon. Again, words won’t give justice so just see photo for reference.

I looked up and prayed. I needed to thank God for it. Not just for keeping me safe getting there, but for the view that I saw. It was as if God painted a portrait of His love for me. The clouds, the mountains, the rice terraces, the trees, the moon, all there perfectly placed for me to see. Now I believe in love at first sight. Because how can you not fall in love with that view.

It was all worth it. The long drive, the hard climb, all worth it. I know I complained a lot during the trek, but when I looked at the view, I appreciated the hardships. Because all things Beautiful in this world, like love, must be worked hard for–no easy way around, no short cuts.

That day, I put myself to the test and pushed myself to the limit. It was hard. I almost quit. “But the Lord stood with me and gave me strength.” -2 Timothy 4:17

To All The Friends I’ve Lost

Hi!

I never thought I’d ever get to write this letter for you, but I also never thought I’d lose you. So I guess no one ever really thinks of losing a friend, right?

I always thought that I will have you forever. But things happened and I don’t take it against you.

Maybe distance did this to us. Or maybe growing up did this. Sometimes I think this is what aging does to people. Maybe the way you aged is different from the way I did so we ended up taking paths that made us walk farther from each other.

But who knows? Maybe one day we’ll meet again at another fork in the road. Maybe our choices did this to us. Maybe things really just changed between us. Like it happened without us noticing it. Or maybe we did, but we didn’t want to address it. Maybe because talking about it would have made it too real until it’s the only reality we cannot face but is already in front of us–glaring at us, leaving us with no choice but to look at the large elephant in the room.

Maybe we actually tried to salvage whatever is left of it, but we grew tired of it. Maybe we fought for us, but maybe we didn’t fight hard enough. Because friendship, like any other relationship in the world, takes work. Friendship takes a lot of hard work to build, to maintain and to make it last. And friendships, like most relationships, need both sides to work. So maybe I left you fighting for us, or maybe you left me fighting for you. Or maybe we just stopped. We stopped being there for each other.

Maybe we just started to miss out a lot on each other until there’s nothing left of what we know about each other.

Maybe we both found new friends and forgot to keep in touch. Or maybe, just maybe, we still love each other just the same. We just don’t know how to approach each other anymore–probably afraid of rejection, thinking the other doesn’t like the other anymore.

Or maybe it’s just really over.

But whatever. Whatever the reason is for the space between us, let me thank you.

Thank you for everything that we had, for the moments we shared, for the memories we made, for the time we spent with each other, the laughters and tears, the jokes, the secrets we’ve kept and the love we had.

Thank you.

You’ve been and are still a part of who I am today. We may have fallen apart, but I will forever hold you in my heart. You may be a friend I’ve lost, but a friend I’ll call you still. And remember that when push comes to shove, you’ll always have a friend in me.

All my love,

Faye. 💞

Her Silence (Mother’s Day)

A week shy of Mother’s Day, I was asked if my mom is a nagger. I replied with a laugh, and then a big YES. It was a funny question. But the next question caught me by surprise: “What makes a bungangera” mom special?”

The first thing that came to my mind is her silence. At first, I thought it was going to be offensive, but then I realized that somehow it’s true.

Her silence makes a “bungangera” mom special because it is when you appreciate the things she says when she’s nagging. The calm after the storm is when you finally realize that she’s right–she always is. She’s RIGHT behind your back to support you. She’s​ RIGHT ahead of you to lead you. She’s RIGHT by your side to comfort you. Her silence is when you hear her heart that beats for you. Her silence is when you hear her “I love yous,” her “I worry about you,” her “I care for you,” her “I only want what’s best for you,” her “I want your happiness, even if it meant some sacrifice,” her “I will always try to protect you,” her “I hate it when people hurt you.”

Her silence is when you hear clearly what she nagged you about.

And in her silence, you realize that no matter how loud her nagging is, you wouldn’t want her any other way. You love her NOT DESPITE OF her being a nagger, but BECAUSE you know why she nags. You love her and she loves you back  No, SHE LOVES YOU MORE. And she’s the best in the whole wide world for you because no one in this world could ever love you the same way she does. And you love her the way you couldn’t love anybody else.

To the best Nanay in the world, Nanay Naomi, I love you so much! 💖 You’re stuck with us, ok?😂 Happy Mother’s Day! (In advance kasi walang wifi sa Bulakan) If I ever get the chance to be a mom someday, I would strive to be like the mom that you are. God has blessed me so much to have you as my Nanay. Like I said, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Mama Ruth, you also deserve a Happy Mother’s Day because you have also been a Mom to us three. You are loved, Ma. I love you. Gosh, my siblings and I should’ve been very good people in our past lives to be blessed to have a wonderful Nanay and a very generous Mama both at the same time. 💖

Lola Aida, Happy Mother’s Day! Thank you for raising two equally beautiful women who are exceptional in their own ways. Thank you for giving the world Mama and Nanay. 💖 I love you, Lola, to the moon and back.

Lola Maria, Happy Mother’s Day! I love you!💖😘 I’m sorry I couldn’t get to spend much time with you. I miss you. Thank you for being a good mother to your kids and for being a loving grandmother to us, your grandchildren. ☺☺

To all the Mothers (by blood or by choice), you are one of God’s greatest gifts to mankind. You keep doing you. 😘💖💞 Happy Mother’s Day!!💖

someday, one day

One day, you’re gonna look someone in the eyes and all you’ll see is how certain he is of his love for you–the kind of certainty you’ve been longing for your whole life. And it’s going to be one of the most memorable moments of your life. The moment you see the finality in his eyes. The finality that he is in love with you and it’s not because he didn’t have a choice, it’s just that he didn’t have to choose because it’s finally you, as it’s always supposed to be. 

You and him.

Just as how God wanted it to be. 

And you’ll see that look in him. The look of contentment, no, of happiness, like there are no more questions that need to be asked. Because, really, there isn’t. Because you are both the answers to each other’s questions, the answers to each other’s prayers. And you realize that this is why things didn’t work out for you before.

Like all those heartbreaks in the past happened because God was preparing you for this magical moment.

That this is where you are destined to be–beside him. You two are an analogy, a ratio. You are each other’s equal proportion. You stay together and the colon in between gives you both meaning. And that colon in between is God. Just how it’s meant to be–God at the center of the both of you.

And it would all make sense. All the why’s you have ever asked wouldn’t matter anymore, because finally the reason is right there in front of you, looking at you like you’re the beautiful moon that lights up the dark sky. Like you are the moon that completes his nights.

Because you are really like the moon, not the sun. Because you refuse to be the sun. Not because you think the sun is less beautiful, no. In fact, the sun is too beautiful that no one can actually look at it for far too long. Unlike the moon, which everyone can behold of its beauty. So you decide that you are the moon.

And finally someone understands. You see it in his eyes–how he appreciates your beauty the way he basks in the gloriousness of the moon.

And even in the darkness of the night you feel like a celestial body shining so bright because of the love you are finally sharing with someone who loves you back just as much, or maybe so much more. And the love you share is coming from God, whose love never runs out. And you feel like your love is overflowing and you are motivated to share the love you have for each other.

And this is when your love story is told, not began. Because this story began when God made you for each other. And then at that moment, when you see all these things in the eyes of that someone, you’ll heave a sigh of relief, contentment, happiness and overflowing love.

Because finally, all that you could ever ask for is here, right in front of you.

Someday, one day.

How a broken church broke my heart (and how God mended it)

If there’s one thing I learned the hard way, it’s that hearts are broken not just because of love life.

These past few years, I have had my heart broken many times not because of a boy, but because of the church. Every time I hear stories about people who I consider family having misunderstandings and not being able to settle them, my heart breaks. Every time I see people who used to be friends, and whose friendships go way back, but don’t speak to each other anymore, my heart breaks.

My heart breaks every time someone leaves. And each time feels like a break up–a very bad break up.

There came a time when I felt so bad that I didn’t want to go to our church anymore. I didn’t want to get inside because the place that was once my second home only reminded me of people who aren’t there anymore, of laughter, tears, bonding moments, everything that are now only mere memories. I made up excuses, exerted effort to make these excuses real, just so I “wouldn’t be able to” go home. I went to a different Church in Makati, I went to another one in Manila, and another one in Pasay.

The church I attended in Makati was the one that hit closest to home–to my home church. The fellowship there was so nice. It almost felt like the one our church used to have. There was even a time when I thought God wanted me to stay there.

I knew in my heart that I would grow there as a Christian. And at that time, I needed that church. And yes, that church helped me pick up the pieces again and heal my broken heart. I have already decided to stay. I knew I wanted to stay.

But the Lord has a different plan. He wanted me to see that it’s not always about what I want or what I need. It’s about what He wants for me and where He wants me to be. He showed me the need of our church. The church didn’t need me, that’s for sure. The church will still exist even without me. But I know that the Lord has planted this desire in my heart to serve our church.

No matter how painful it is to go there and remember the moments that were, the things that used to be, the people who used to be there, no matter how heartbreaking it is, God wants me there and that’s all I needed to know.

So after a while, I came back to my home church, started to slowly be back on the loop, and tried, really, really tried to serve as much as I can. It’s not always easy. Sometimes it still hurts. Sometimes it’s still heartbreaking.

But I realized that you don’t only love the Church when it’s easy, you love the church because you love God. Even with all its imperfections, you continue to love the church. Because the Lord loved you even when you’re imperfect. And He demonstrated His love for us while we were still sinners.

Just like in any other relationship, sometimes you need to take a step back, take a break, take time to heal, but always, always come back. No matter how damaged home is, there’s nothing quite as pleasant as coming home.